"i"

Birdy birdy in the sky

Dropped a poopy in my eyes,

I do not worry I do not cry

I am just happy that cows don't fly!

words from my heart, nana.

who will do it?

I push people away when all I really want is for someone to hug me & tell me it’s gonna be okay.

why issit so hard?

Erase from Facebook: Done ✔ Erase from Msn: Done ✔ Erase from cell phone: Done ✔ Erase from the HEART: Error ✖

everyone do too.

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do too, So we're really not that different, me and you.

it's true

I once cried because of a guy but I found out later that he's not worth it.

don't look back.

My past is my past, it made me who I am, I have no regrets, wouldn't change a thing. I just don't live there anymore.

the difference

I still can't tell if this is killing me or if it's making me stronger

don't know what to do.

The worst feeling in the world is when i know i'm losing someone and there's nothing that i can do to prevent being replaced.

this is me.

I am me. I am not willing to change for you, or anyone else. Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.

every girl does that.

He ignores me, but i like him. He does nothing, but i fall for him, i miss him, even though i know he’s never thought about me.

that's the way i am.

I like to pretend that i'm okay because I don't wanna annoy people with my problems.

.............

hello people. as you can see now its 12a.m. today i had a terrible day. was my first day of period and... i don't what to say and i'm somehow lost.. it was like so horrible.. today i had back this feeling of like past few years.. is like a bunch of kids insulting me when i was age 7 or 8? like saying i have no fathers and laughing.. but today one was different from that time.. this time one is saying i'm a bitch? a sluts or something? they even bought my father out to talk... i have no idea where this bunch of people come from.. but it was horrible.. i tried to get out but just couldn't then i change my mind that now i'm grown up. i can fight. it was fine at first.. then slowly i couldn't take it.. i mean like why do this people so free come and find problem with me with their unknown character? deng. i seriously no mood.. no mood till i can't even sleep. today is the suckish day ever.

don't worry, be happy :)

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own

SMILE ALWAYS

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. I always keep in mind that don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.

STAY STRONG!

Challenges come so we can grow and be prepared for things we are not equipped to handle now. When we face our challenges with faith, prepared to learn, willing to make changes, and if necessary, to let go, we are demanding our power be turned on.

never give up :)

If i'm going through hell, keep going.

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.

Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.

Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.

few years ago feelings

yu should know i din't wanted to lie to you,
AND yu should know im always being very honest to you.
and we should know we din't wanted this to happen.
neither one of us wanted this to happen.
neither starting or ending.
but yu did the right things.
its better to end faster than later.
it will hurts more if end it later.
and i SHOULD know i shouldn't take this love seriously.
and i should forget every single things we did or said!
and i shouldn't be sad because yu're not!
im so so so sorry.
yu know i scared to get comfort from anyone..
i feel even worse when people comfort me!
from the start i already know yu love her.
only her never will be me...!
i felt so dumb loving you or EVEN FALLING FOR YOU!!!!
i know its a dream.. and i know im ugly..!!
i know and know and know...!
i told myself everytime DO NOT love you or even fall for yu!
because ALL THIS WILL WAKE UP SOONER!
but the way yu treated me was too good!
TOO GOOD until i can't control myself from falling inlove with youhh.
couldn't believe how stupid i am!
im sorry..! very sorry..! super sorry..!
sorry for lying to you..
sorry for not being honest to you!
actually im not even happy at all..
i cried when i saw the msg.
i cried the whole night.
when yu say goodnight to me
and yu msg me again.
i type the 3words.
and later on i delete everything and retype.
cause we're friends! not more then a frens anymore
even today i cry few times
early morning i woke up and cry.
i don't know how to face you at school
when i reach school i saw yu walking from 711,
then i faster walk away..
in class i can't control myself from crying.
after school even worse!
i keep on laughing and smiling,
actually i feel like crying!
i force myselft smile and smile!!
i seriously feel like a piece of shit!
i dont know why am i crying over little things
im so sorry..! yu know i really felt sorry!
i know yu won't forgive.
i know yu hate people not being honest to you.
but i gotta do it...

maybe love really NOT blind!
ugly girls like me will never ever get what i wanted.
pretty girls always get want they want no matter what.
i'm sorry.
yu should know i really dint wanted to lie to you!

11/11/11

hello people! it's 11/11/11. well, this is a picture of me while waiting my sister to patch her MapleSea patch. then can pull out the modem. so, while i was waiting. i played with the WebCam and snap some photos of myself. its fugly -.- OKAY, byeee

JOEL SENG EE KIAT =P

Nightmare, YOU'RE NOT WELCOME! please do not visits me at all. because of you i couldn't sleep well. And, because of you my panda eye is getting worse -.- hoping my period come as soon as possible before my trip =( recently, my face somehow not in the mood & pimples pops out non stop! EW, recently i'm frigging broke.. so, i jail myself at home & play KinoSea.
lastly, thanks to the most ben dan joel seng ee kiat who give me dragon purple sleve.
aiyaa, he very kanasai -.-

FAIL

hello people! :) today i went and renew my passport. my mom and i was waiting for hours. then, they told us that their computers break down. i was like WTF =/ go home with disappointment. unfortunately my mom will drag till when she's free. gosh! EW, bye

argh

hello people, my mood isn't that good. i had this strange dream recently that makes me cry in the mid night. which is really not a good thing. pimple popping out non-stop. is it pimple season? LOL

okay, bye. I've nothing else to share.

R.I.P

R.I.P xuan's mother. There really isn't anything i can say.. i just wish i could give you a hug and let you know i'm there & i'd be praying for you. But you stay sort of far from me which is not at KL and all i can do is talk to you tru skype. I felt very sorry when I heard that your mom pass away. I've been thinking for so long what to say to you and it's been very hard to begin with it, but I said to myself that it is better to say something than nothing.

I know there is nothing that could ever replace the love of your mom, and I can't imagine how it must be hard to lose somebody so close as the mother. It is such a pity I've never got a chance to meet her. She must have been a brilliant lady to bring up the people like you.

I will always keep in my mind the image, which you described me, that one day i'll accept you as your girlfriend and we will get married and meet your mother- it's a beautiful image that will be with me forever.

God give you a consolation in your grief and power to continue your life giving a good example of her upbringing. So, stay strong. i don't know how you going to handle it so sudden which like your SPM is around the corner. i'll pray hard for you. NEVER GIVE UP!
smile always :)

speechless

hello people! :) i was so frigging pissed off few hours ago. anyways, manage to chill myself down. i din't meant to screw him up but somehow the shit he's saying behind my back is really damn irritating. GOSH, recently pimple start popping out and i'm going crazy LOL!

I really wonder is there anyone gonna love me for who I am? My attitude & Personality & LOOKS.

• Demanding
• Stubborn
• Talk rudely
• Walk like a gangster boy.
• Mood swing in 0.1111111.. seconds.
• BIG nose.
• Small eyes.
• Short lashes.
• Ugly big thick lips.
• Big thigh & calf.
• Antisocial.
• CRAP a lot.
• Annoying.
• Too lame.
• Pointless all the time.
• BAD tempered!
• can't make a decision.
• Procrastinator.
• EMO.
• Crazy.
• Idiotic.
• Lazy fuck.
• Ridiculous.
• Ignorant.
• Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring.
• Inactive.

I'm not trying to talk bad about myself. But these are the flaws I found in me. How can anyone possible love, a person like me?

ASDFGHJKL Cant help being random. Sometimes I think I love being sad. The emo mode. !@#$%^&*()!%^%&%*#$%)^$&*^#&@#

bye

我到底爱你爱到怎样了?

today my post going to be in chinese!
今天我会用华语来表达我的心情....其实也不大清楚自己要的是什么...我到底爱你爱到怎样了? 为什么觉得好像忘了你这个存在....?是不是因为有joel, chungsi, sweehow, jerald 和xuan 陪我的关系? 我总觉得你不是真真的爱我...我的感受谁会来理呢? 我这个人是很会吃醋...那也代表我爱你才会吃醋...或许我根本就不是你所要的人... 我也对这个世界很好奇... 我不懂得分谁好或谁坏... 我希望自己可以学得聪明一点... 一点就够了...! 讨厌自己那么笨! 好了! 我的华语有够烂!
Give up! LOL?　

ＮＩＧＨＴＳ　（：

FUCK YOU -.-

I hate this freaking stupid idiotic mother fucker son of the bitch.

Everytime when he tried chating with me he will ask me to be his gf and ask me whether miss him or not or etc etc etc and etc.

That's freaking annoying ok?!

I'm not those bitch who u cant be friends or talk to me or what so ever.

I am a normal human being so if u wanna be my real friend im always there for you.

But why?!!!!!!

WHY ALWAYS ASK ME TO BECOME YOUR GF??!

WHY THE FUCK YOU ASK ME I MISS YOU OR NOT SINCE WE ARE ACTUALLY NOT THAT CLOSED AT ALL?

I seriously hate you. I even feel like blaming your parents for giving birth to this kinda person to the world.

Couldn't you be a lil more normal?

Dont you know that there's a lot of your friend out there trying to tease you and laughing on your stupid-ness and desperation?

You din't know that huh?

You knew that right?

They pretended to be a girl and chatted with you and when u asked her to be your gf and they popped out and laughed at you. /;

Doesn't it seems obvious yet??

A little advice for you:

1. Don't be over desperate.

2. Even tho you are really desperate, don't make it TOO obvious.

Thank you, and fuck you.

You are such a shyt hole.

Even how good mood i was having its all ruined because of you, fuck

what answer should i give?

sigh, things happen and often we cant do anything but to just shrug it off our chest eventhou thats the last thing we want to do. petty things can actually become so out of control and it depresses me because i think im too that kind of person to keep everything in hand. but then yes, who are we to change people's perception and hope that they might think the same as you do. i do know the term about how being nice to a person that dislikes you is not considered fake, but grown up. its just sometimes the way they behave makes me wonder what did i do to deserve so. i always thought coming here would be for the better. apparently im kinda wrong.

i guess to be happy now is the only thing i find relevant to keep whats left of me alive. to think that there are people who still understands and still stick with me keeps me strong from all these nonsense that bind me so much to other's perspective and opinions.

this year is just not a really good year. i lost a friend and i think i am losing another one. great. its more than just discarding someone out from your life that simple. its so complicated and it comes with so much emotions. oh how i wish i could just make every single one of them sit down and talk it out. thou whats been going on lately just tells me that i should just, so called, leave everything to the hands of god. which totally doesnt apply on me as i dont really have a specific religion eventhou how much i believe god exist.

yes i know his always up there but sometimes, the storyline im plotted for is just too, rubbish.

i am lied to, faked to, but yet i'm always around because i believed that one day things might change. just like what a friend of mine say, change are constant, and most of the time we hoped its for the better. i guess im hoping too much. maybe shutting up is not the right thing to do. i don't know what to do, really, honestly.

also to know that how much of a stupid people could think i am just makes me wanna laugh and cry.

life is too much of a bitch.